this is my first poem that i have uploaded, i know it needs work so help me out.
once opon a moonlit hour
once opon a moonlit hour
when the mortals have rest their heads
the news spreads from ear to ear
"it's time to enter the woods"
flock & fly & scurry & jump &
run & leap & swing & climb &
gallop & hop & slither & roll
the festive will commence
the shadows that guard the darkness
welcome the guests along
the winding path weaving through the woods
into the depths unwravles
a night of enchantment
ecitement, music and dance
push the limits of imagination
as myths come to life
the crackle of a hex
like a sudden flash of ligthening
stains the skies for a hurried second
extravagent emeralds
mystical azures
fierce reds, oranges and yellows....
and that's all i have come up with, i don't really know what else to write and i don't really like the last lines.
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Canary word: Present
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thanks i really like how you changed the beginning
and yh i did forget the punctuation
Okay I pretty much just rewrote the poem including punctuation (which you forgot to include) and any other changes I though might work. You can read through it and see what you like and don't like.
Once opon a moonlit hour,
when mortals rest their heads
news is spreading ear to ear
"the time has come to go
unto the woods from which we came."
Flock and fly and scurry,
jump and run and leap,
swing and climb and gallop,
hop, slither and roll.
Upon arrival the festivities begin;
the shadows guard the darkness and
welcome guests along
the winding woodland path.
In the depths unravels
a night of enchantment
ecitement, music and dance,
pushing the limits of imagination
as myths come to life.
The crackle of a hex
like a sudden flash of ligthening
stains the skies for a hurried second
So that's my suggestions for changes; you don't have to listen to any of them if you don't want. I thought the poem was pretty good as it was but I agree that the last few lines didn't make sense; maybe they would if you add more to the end. All in all, pretty good poem. PM me when you add more to it.